An Alien in the Wizard World
by GingahNinjah
Summary: The Doctor set his chameleon arc to random and gets some...interesting results.
1. Alien? As if

**Or, What Comes From Your Brain When You're Supposed To Be Doing Pre-Calc Homework/Sleeping.**

**Sarah...we were totally talking about this theory yesterday. I say it totally happened. Jussayin'**

'_Weelll…_you see, I can't _really _be held responsible for whatever it was I did, as that wasn't _really _me. I mean…it was but…it wasn't…that's what I get for using the random setting, eh? Punishment for my laziness or something. Best to avoid that one again.'

The man stared at him as though he'd grown a second head. _That _would have been something…

'Well…if you'll excuse me I really _must _be going. People to be, places to see…wait…reverse that.' Doctor jumped up out of the chair and was promptly pushed back down.

'You're not going anywhere, Crouch.'

'_Crouch? _Is that my name, then? Good to know…I'll make a note of that. So where am I?'

'We haven't moved you.'

'See but that's the thing. I don't have much memory of the past year or so. Care to help me out there? Who are you anyway?'

The second man rolled his eyes. 'Just ignore him sir. Soon enough, we can hand him over to the dementors.'

The Doctor choked. '_Dementors? _Naw…couldn't be…what'd you say my name was? Crouch? Crouch…naw! It couldn't! Not…Barty? Barty Crouch? Jr if I'm correct. And the Dementors…_no…_' He ran his fingers through his hair again, not believing it. Then a huge grin came across his face and his captors took a fearful step back. 'That's _brilliant! _I'm in _Harry Potter! _So…so this is Hogwarts? Oh, this is _brilliant! _No one will believe this!'

His captors exchanged glances. 'Mental, this one is.'

' I reckon too much time as Mad-Eye 'll do that too a person.'

The Doctor grinned again. 'Mad-Eye? Aw, where is he? I'd love to meet him! Big fan really, big fan. And Harry! Oh, I _love _Harry. But you know who I really want to meet? Snape. I _knew _he wasn't the bad guy, I just _knew _it. Wait till you get to the ending…_oh. _I cried.'

'Restrain him.'

'Naw. See, I don't really feel like getting my soul sucked out through my lips today. I'm rather fond of it. Besides, you hear that?' He paused, giving them the opportunity to hear the strange buzzing sort of noise coming from outside. 'My ride's just materialized. Farewell, Fudge! Minerva.'

And with that, he winked at Professor McGonagall (who turned a deep scarlet) and jumped. They ran to the window just in time to see Barty Crouch Jr standing in the doorway of a big blue box, quickly flying out of sight.

* * *

><p>'So, you believe…he was an <em>alien,' <em>Fudge said slowly and deliberately, still not believing it.

'Yes, sir.'

'And he escaped in his…space ship.'

'Yes, sir.'

'Kingley, take this man to Mungo's. I fear Crouch may have messed with his mind before apparating.'

'But sir - apparation isn't even _possible _in Hogwarts.'

'He must have found a way around it. We all saw him jump, but there was no body at the bottom. How else would you explain that?'

'Sir, the big blue box - '

' - was merely an allusion. There are no aliens, there are no space ships, and there are _no _flying blue boxes.'

'I know what I saw sir...'

Fudge facepalmed. First You-Know-Who 'returns' and now Crouch is an 'alien'. As if one ridiculous story wasn't enough! 'Enough. Say the dementors couldn't be held back. We have our reputations to uphold.'

'Yes, sir.' And with that, he scurried out of the room.

Fudge sighed and sank into his chair. _Alien, _he scoffed. Why couldn't they just admit they lost him?

**Review?**


	2. Coffee Shop Meeting

**Welcome to the second instalment of I'm-Totally-Procrastinating-The-Completion-Of-My-Pre-Calc-Homework.**

**Somewhere deep inside the part of my brain that can't fully separate fiction from reality, this just had to be true. Because obviously, Harry Potter _does _exist, Barty Crouch Jr _is _the same person, and David Tennant is just a clever disguise the Doctor got into the habit of using. **

A flurry of snow flew in behind the newest customer: a tall, lanky man in a pinstripe suit and trench coat. He strolled in, meter wide grin on his face, and ordered a coffee. Carefully sipping his espresso, he scanned the cafe, hoping to find someone interesting. He loved meeting people in coffee shops. They always had the best stories.

His eyes fell on the woman in the corner, scrawling away on cafe napkins. There was something about her that intrigued him.

As he searched for an empty table, he found his thoughts kept returning to the woman at table 9. _No...could it be?_

He headed for the door, intent on heading back to his ship. _I can't bother her...she's obviously busy. _But as he opened the door, he changed his mind. He wanted someone interesting, and he was going to get it. Besides...after that incident with the chameleon arc, he was curious about a few things.

"Hello!" he said, sliding into the seat across from the woman.

She looked at him sort of strange, not entirely sure how to respond. "Hello..."

"Sorry...I just noticed you over here, all alone, writing something...I was curious." He leaned over the table to get a better look at her notes.

The woman quickly hid the napkins away. "Oh, it's nothing. Just this story that popped into my head...complete rubbish, really. You wouldn't be interested."

"Oh, I'm sure that's not true. You seem like you'd be a great writer. Come on! Let me see!"

Reluctantly, she handed over the notes. The man was strange...far too happy considering the gloomy weather, and there was something about him she couldn't quite put her finger on. He grinned even larger now. "This is brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. How did you come up with this?"

"I...dunno. I just did..."

"Aw come on! Something had to have given you the idea!"

"Well...there was this man I met on the train, and he...he told me...you'd never believe me. It's ridiculous..."

"Trust me, I've heard a lot of ridiculous things in my lifetime, many of which were said by me. You wouldn't believe half the things I could tell you about Julius Ceaser...man did that guy have a twisted sense of humour."

"Well...I met a man named Cornelius Fudge, and he introduced me to this entire world that exists under our nose. He told me about Harry...and then I kept researching it on my own. Now I'm just trying to fill in the gaps."

"So, it's a true story?"

"Um...you probably think I'm crazy..."

"No, no. You're right."

"_What?" _Her voice became hushed and she pulled him closer. "You know? Are you one of them?"

He laughed. "You make it sound like it's some sort of cult! Yes, I know, but I'm not one of them...not really. _Weeeelllll, _there was that one time...no. I'm not one."

"So they _do _exist! I wasn't imagining them?"

"Of course not, Joanne! Wizards are real, no doubt. They may not be entirely human, but they are _real._"

Joanne looked a bit shocked. "Do...do I know you? Who are you?"

"Me? My name's the Doctor."

"Doctor..."

"Just the Doctor."

"How do you know my name?"

"Oh, that's simple" he said with a grin. "I know everything."

"Oh really? Well, if you know everything then tell me. How _did _Harry get the philosopher's stone out of the mirror?"

"I _could _tell you that..."

"See. You don't know."

"But it'd be more fun to show you."

"What are you talking about? That happened at least seven years ago. We're a little too late." The Doctor picked up his coat and headed for the door. "Where are you going?"

"Come on then! Allonsy!" he called as the door closed.

"Allon-what?"

The Doctor popped his head back into the cafe and grinned. "Joanne, how about a little trip in the TARDIS?"

**And there you have it. There probably will be more to this, because there will certainly be more math homework to not do. Maybe just one more chapter...**

**Review please!**


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